Solo mom and Babies

Can I be honest here? You know let my true feelings be made know, like they can't in other forums? I figure if you care enough to read my blog then you may really care about me, right? I'm putting my swing together- it's been sitting in the box since my shower. I decided since I'm going to be induced on Monday I guess I'd better do it. I'm bawling the whole way through it.

 This week has been hard! I've been in a lot of pain, my separated pubic bone from pushing too hard with Charlie. I'm coming to terms that I'll bring a baby home and essentially be on my own with 3 small children. My plans have fallen apart and I'm trying to figure out how to do it all. My sitter it turns out got her weeks mixed up and won't be able to help out. Xadi has a dance camp- I thought it would be good to give her something active to do this week. Dave is in town a total of 2 days, but will need to re-pack his trucks to head back out. One of his gigs is the "BAD" one from last year. My step mom will help out a little but found that her leave from work was cut back. I'm stressed! I wonder what it would be like to have a baby with someone who really wants to have a baby with me? Who would help me get ready and be around after it's born. It's hard to forget things that have been said over the last two years and not take it personal. I still struggle to know what is truth and what was just said in moments of anger. Through all my kids I feel like I'm flying solo. I've always set up the crib and everything myself. I've just looked past this like it's normal- but it's hard when I see glimpses in to others lives to see those small acts that other daddy's do. I feel like I'm always taking care of everyone else. I just want to feel like to be the one taken care of.

I'll try to end on a positive note. I am grateful for Dave and his hard work providing for our family. I've turned that all over to him and he is doing a great job! I love him with all my heart. I'm grateful for the atonement, that we can all change and progress in the lessons we were sent here to learn. I'm grateful for my chance to be a mother. I love my kids so much they are my world! I think they are the most beautiful amazing children in the world! I'm nervous and excited for number 3, I'm sure she'll be just as amazing as the other two. I'm so blessed in regards of my children. They teach me so much and they are such strong valiant spirits. I know this is my path that I chose, from the pre-existence. I know its according to a Heavenly Father who loves me, so I can learn and become the person I'm meant to be.

My Rant...

I think I'm usually a very happy person but there has been something on my mind that I just need to get out. So bare with me as I rant for a bit.I'll go back to happy fun time next I promise! After all as Monty Python always said- Look on the sunny side of life!

So here goes...I've been blessed with five best friends at different stages of my life! They are all totally amazing and completely different. From looks tall skinny super model blonde to short curvy brunette. From active LDS to agnostic. From world traveler to stay at home mom. From totally out spoken to quiet and reserved. And every other difference in between! But it's what they have in common besides me that alarms me most...
It's that all of them have been cheated on by there significant other/ husband. This really upsets me! Not just because they are the most amazing people I've ever known but also because what is says about the men of this generation. I don't think they understand love or commitment. Love is service trust devotion. Love is a choice! You do not just "fall" in love or out. You have the god given power to choose in Matt 5 it states-love your enemies... If you love them that love you, what reward have ye? Both statements imply that love is a choice granted from our Father in Heaven who knows us and our desires. Lust is a fleeting desire it is not of God therefore it is against God and will not lead to happiness. I believe that is what these men are in search of. But happiness is never brought by self serving purposes. Happiness is achieved through loving serving and helping others- NOT YOURSELF!
If you are not feeling love or in love with someone try serving them do something selfless with no hope of a return. It makes me so upset to see my best friends all go through this. Why is this generation of men so selfish? Why do they think it's okay to Leave their commitments covenants and sometimes children behind to find "true love"? I'm both sickened and saddened when I hear stories like these:

Child "I want my Daddy to give me a back to school blessing too!" MOM (It's got to be the Mom Cause she is the one still there honoring her covenants and commitments) "He can't sweetie. How about a neighbor, a bishop or one of your friends Daddy's?" Child, "Why Can't Daddy do it? Doesn't he love me?" MOM "He isn't following Heavenly Father's commandments so he can't do it right now. I'm really sorry." Child, "Well if he can't I DON'T WANT ONE! IJUST WANT MY DADDY TO DO IT! NOT SOMEONE ELSES DADDY!" Followed by lots of cries and sobs! This poor child is just heart broken and my friend gets to try to tape up the pieces the best she can.

Or this one: Child, "Mommy can we just go back a year or two when Daddy was following Heavenly Father's commandments and we were all happy?"

I really don't understand what they are thinking. In my opinion you couldn't find better women than my best friends! I haven't and I'm picky about my friends!